Sometimes good things come to an end. I scroll through moments caught by photographs that capture a kind of happiness I wish could be savored forever. Unfortunately, things change and so do people and the feelings that belong to them. The best memories can’t be recreated nevertheless, they still existed and for that we should be thankful.
Memories of joyful moments that warm the heart and fulfill the spirit are what life is all about. What can you say about a life without people that bring you happiness? What happens when some of the happy moments are replaced with sadness or anger? Life happens and by that I mean nothing is infinite. We have feelings that change because of circumstance, we get hurt, we grow bitter and become extremely unhappy and unable to fix ourselves. We have the choice to let it be and accept it for what it is or let it consume us and eat away at our soul.
Relationships grow into the fabric of who are. Moments define us. The closest people we let into our hearts can provide so much joy you couldn’t ever imagine it changing, but it does. Feelings happen. Hurt, anger, jealously, rage and bitterness happen. Actions happen. Unfaithfulness, physical altercations, words filled with so much spite they shake the core of who are, happen. Irreversible damage ensues and the memories that once filled our spirit with joy are now replaced with sadness. The fabric of who are changes because situations and feelings recreate our emotions and sensibility. Hearts close up a little bit for some and for others the damage done onto them is so profound they can never feel love again. Trust is stripped from us and we have changed. We grow hard.
Broken hearts never fully heal. Actions and words spoken are irreversible. The pain associated with hurt can fade but ultimately, it will never be forgotten because it is now part of who are and shapes future relationships, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, people hold their ego on such a high pedestal they tear apart something that once was so beautiful. “I am sorry,” goes a long way. Yes, it can be hard to say but it is the beginning of the healing process and the only hope at salvaging pieces of yourself and allowing forgiveness. Sometimes, people can’t say those words because it is admitting to themselves that they are wrong and that is unfortunate.
Chain reactions of emotion pull the worst from us and two things happen. One: we let someone else take power over us. We become weak, defenseless and are puppies on a leash letting the person who has betrayed us lead our every emotion. Our actions are now only reactions to counter attacks and we have lost all control of our beings. Two: our emotions have gone so far astray that our judgment is clouded and we lose any ability to rationalize the situation so we allow our broken, messed up hearts to guide us.
In the beginning, we all have a choice. Maybe, we chose to ignore the signs because we wanted to only feel love. We let bad behavior continue because we had faith the person would not be capable of betrayal or hurt. It was our choice to look over it. We are all put in different situations but how did we get there? No, it was not our choice to let someone hurt us, but it is our choice that maybe we allowed it to continue happening. On the other hand, is it so bad that we had faith in the other person? That we believe in love so much we just can’t let it go until it is forced from us? Sometimes, that is what it takes to begin a very long, arduous, emotionally draining process of moving on. Best friends, siblings, relatives and significant others: we are people and we are all capable of changing the fabric of someone else’s being and that is just part of life.
So what can we do to get our happiness back? Try these 5 steps to healing:
- Learn from your past experiences and this is the kicker: don’t repeat them!
- Change your perspective and become stronger not weaker.
- Make better choices and be more selective of who you allow into the fabric of your being.
- Allow sadness and anger to have its place but then move on from it knowing that what once was beautiful may never be again.
- Find the space in your heart and let the old memories be a reminder that new, different memories can be created and happiness can be found again if you allow it.
5 Steps to Getting Happiness Back/ January 4, 2017 / © Jill E. Gallien